We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a programme of recovery

page 59 Alcoholics Anonymous

I feel I am at yet another turning point, so much of the last 3 years has been surviving, and I know I am transitioning from surviving to thriving. I have never been a person in recovery to settle for a life of shame, living under a rock, living out my recovery in obscurity.

I have been active in service, and the Twelve Steps have been everything to me, but here’s where my head’s at. I am never going to graduate from this Twelve Steps University; it’s not how it works. I’ve seen people come and go, and I’ve seen people find recovery and sanity and disappear back off down the rabbit holes that spat them into the rooms in the first place.

My life now is in need of some rebuilding and repairs. The debris field from this storm that my addiction has left behind means some things can be rebuilt while other things become no more, and in its place new paths need to be explored.

A big part of accepting the consequences at work in my own life is that the ladder-climbing career mind has had to make way for answering the age-old question of who am I and what am I supposed to do?

When I asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon, I realised I would not be able to carry on the work I had pursued up to that point.

It’s now a time for me to seek what doors God will open up for me in order to improve my standing. I know that in recovery I am fuelled by a different power, and with that, my motivations and drives are different.

In the past, I would try to make deals with God. If this happens or that happens, I might be happy enough to be well. Of course, no matter what, nothing but the full light of day would help me. Now I’m compelled to seek opportunities that allow me to live a life of love, service, and being present in the moment.

As a young lad, my dreams were full of ambitions that inspired me. I was in love with an idea of being a mountain and winter specialist in the military. So specific, but as my ambitions and expectations were not met, I have floated around ever since, picking the path of least resistance.

If I were to lay out my hopes and vision now, it would be to explore my passion for the mountains and hills and get some qualifications that I might be able to take people on shared experiences and show just how connection to the outdoors compliments the programme so much.

In life and faith, I need to be guarded against transactional behaviour and thinking. The programme has shown me my character defects, and some days I am more willing than others to ask God to remove them from me.

Service is a big part of recovery, and it’s really been the tape and glue that held me together through the darkest times. When you can go through a personal hell and are driven by the desire to be of help and use to others, the results can be miraculous. But there is a time and a season for everything under the sun.

Now feels like a time to rebuild.