Spread the good news at all times and if necessary, use words

St Francis of Assisi

I am first and foremost a recovering addict. Despite my desire to help others, I often find that my own efforts and intentions to assist rarely lead to the desired outcome.

At times, it’s difficult for me to admit that I lack the words or solutions for some of the problems encountered in recovery. I have to remember that my experiences are unique to my journey of overcoming Sex Addiction through the Twelve Steps and a dedicated approach to attending and applying the insights gained in both meetings and in therapy.

Here lies the crucial lesson I need to remember: lived experience outweighs theoretical knowledge. My mess becomes my message.

The fellowship and steps complement my therapy journey with an accompanying professional, and that synergy works well for me. While the program itself doesn’t propose to solve all my problems, it has been effective for millions worldwide since its inception within Alcoholics Anonymous. However, it’s essential to note that my deeper pain required more than just adhering to the program; it demanded confronting my reality and finding the willingness within myself to allow the program to liberate me from the bonds of shame, grief and unforgiveness.

The program isn’t a miraculous cure; it consists of simple and straightforward steps and traditions and most importantly taking action. They’re steps I must continuously take; merely understanding them without action doesn’t benefit me. In my initial meeting, I naively thought that gaining knowledge would instantly lead to break through, but it took me mere minutes to realise my mistake.

The crux is to focus on the necessary actions and remember that none of these steps are meant to be tackled alone.

• We admit our powerlessness. Admit!
• We came to believe. Believe!
• We made a decision. Decide!
• We made a list. Ah ok I get it!

Overthinking in addiction recovery can be paralyzing and, quite literally, life-threatening. Some get stuck on the spiritual aspect, others on honesty, and some on acknowledging powerlessness. Numerous bottlenecks arise, most tangled within the ego’s self-justification.

Sometimes, I notice myself overcomplicating things. For instance, as we approach another new year, I’ve spent weeks planning my next marathon to get lean and athletic, yet I’ve done nothing in the past fortnight. Waiting for the perfect moment where I “feel” ready will only keep my trainers clean and render no calories burned. Action is needed, starting today.

Today, I felt the words ‘pray it, don’t say it’ echoing within me—a call to exercise restraint and say nothing.

As someone who finds solace in writing and organising thoughts, I must prioritise my well-being day by day. If that aids anyone else, that’s fantastic. Yet, it will never be solely my words that accomplish something; it’s the strength derived from my shared experience and the evident hope within my journey of recovery.

Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with empathy for others. While feeling others’ grief and pain is profoundly human, fixating on their pain and trying to muster the right words often diverts attention from the solution. Sometimes, my ‘have a go hero’ persona attempts to emulate or cosplay as God, but I recognise it’s a call to land on my knees and start with self-reflection and start with the man in the mirror.