I’ve had periods in life where I just want out, I want escape, I want to be spared. Notice that word, want, I always neglected the more important thing, needs. That’s ultimately a simplified version of where I’ve been going wrong since I was a child.

Understanding and communicating my needs has been a gradual process, I started this journey towards life without acting out with a feeling of deep worthlessness. The shame I felt hit the stocks and shares of self-worth very hard and only through empathy and forgiveness to myself that I’ve been able to get better and be better.

In speaking with a fellow this week I recalled one of my favourite wilderness films, The Edge with national treasure and sober soul Anthony Hopkins. If you want to listen to his AA share check this out.

In the film The Edge, Anthony Hopkins plays a billionaire stranded in the wilderness, he recalls a survival book he had been reading and tries snap his fellow survivors out of wallowing over the circumstance they found themselves in.

He reflects people lost in the wilderness die of shame! I recommend checking it out as it’s a great film.

If I were to write a survival guide for anyone just landing at Step One in some plane crash of circumstance I would share the two following most valuable skills.

Gratitude, the ability to focus on the positives in any situation can keep you alive through anything. When my double life came to a halt and the bubble burst I felt like I was about to lose everything, I thought I would take my own life and I thought people would cheer if I did, that was how much value I placed on myself at that moment, I could have easily fallen into a pit of misery and self-pity.

That “arrest” moment that we all face in one way or another is just like the drills practiced when travelling mountains in the snow. The word arrest simply means to stop. If we slip or slide into a fall the command arrest should activate a conditioned response to grasp your ice axe and lock it in with all your weight. Think of the practice of gratitude as the ice axe stopping you from falling to your death.

The second most crucial skill for me isn’t even a skill, it’s a decision to be of service to ones fellow man. Most of our problems are magnified by the crippling isolation of fear and loneliness, we feel unworthy of love which is what kept us in the cycle of acting out. Breaking this self imposed life of exile is vital for recovery. It’s why we are told to make calls, it’s how we connect to others in recovery and when we do, we realise we aren’t alone, in time that contact becomes service, not out of some ritualised chore but by showing up for others. When we put our wants and priorities in the perspective of service to other the defects of self take a back seat.

What’s also helpful is all of ones worries about their own life and circumstances fade away when we realise the world still spins and others’ lives play out at the same time as ours. There is something liberating about this, at the toughest times I have to choose to lean into the circumstances and engage in service to others, that may be helping someone or simply taking time to meet up with someone, catch up with that friend going through a tough time.

In my time in recovery sometimes feeling sorry for myself and feeling sorry for what I’ve done, look alike and I only really know the difference by the presence of gratitude and being of use in service.

Oh and one more thing, One day at a time!