That phrase must have stuck in my head since I heard it in the film Saving Private Ryan, and last night it was brought to the forefront once more.

I finally watched the film Shame in the company of my partner as I knew the film would be both emotionally and sexually triggering.

Michael Fassbender delivers a chilling performance as Brandon, a broken man with the same disease as myself; I recognized themes on display with that of my own experience. The incompatibility I often felt with others both emotionally and physically, the obsessive crutch of fantasy and pornography woven within everyday life. The unpredictable anger, the webcam sites, the hookups, failed dates, awkward and inappropriate encounters, erectile dysfunction, and even being sexual outside of one’s orientation just to feel something.

What also stood out about this film was how broken both Brandon and his sister Sissy were; they had clearly come from a traumatic childhood, much like me and my own sister. These two individuals grew up alongside one another broken in some way from their shared origin and found their ways to deal with the pain.

If you think about it, it’s the same the world over. We all find things to deal with some inner pain. We use behaviors to manage the pressures of life rather than sit with the ups and downs. I lived my double life in a bubble for years, and in a world of broken people, it’s easy to blend in and go unnoticed.

I have spoken with my sister a lot lately, and with our shared origin, she understands the descent into my very own inferno has been decades in the making; both her and my partner speak of how they wish they had paid more attention to the cues and tells that I was suffering.

We live in a time where over the next five to ten years more and more people are going to be coming forward with issues with sexual compulsivity. In my time in the rooms, I have met people of all backgrounds, standings in life; there isn’t a type of person or a look, but we all have one thing in common, we wish to be well.

The movie presents a dark and gritty look into a life imploding with the escalation of sex addiction, and viewers will naturally relate to the human at the heart of this. So, to me, it’s an important work but one I wouldn’t advise anyone to watch alone, and it’s not an easy watch.

This hypersexual society with limitless access to ever-increasing novelty is a time bomb, and my challenges and victories today will be the guide and blueprint for somebody’s son in the future.

I guess this post ends as it started; my mission in life now is to carry a message, one that’s forged out of the mess I made of my life. I am looking for the next needle in a stack of needles to tell them they are not alone.