I wanted to start this post and share that I am entering into a season of transition for the next couple of months but my journey of recovery thus far has been about working a program that addresses my former things, my old thinking, my living a double life and we are talking about years of struggling in secrecy.

In the last couple of years, I have gone from wanting to end my life in a pit of shame and regret, to becoming equipped with tools for living, experience, new friends and hope for a future.

As a result of the work I have had to do on myself, I can accept that my previous actions bring about a consequence or a transaction if you will, a debt that has to be paid as a part of my amends to others, God and importantly to myself, I am worth more than my past actions reflected. I can lean into it no matter how painful and attest to being a different me than before.

The healing I have found in service to others and life now centred on recovery makes me a more empathetic person than before. The switch from being self-centred to making room for others has helped me get out of my well-worn traits of self-pity, self-serving and all the other defects you can place self in front of, the only self part I need to be responsible for is self care.

I have to live with the shame and regret of my past decisions and behaviours but now, like my traumas, they must live in the rearview mirror. I have to look at life ahead, soon I will be able to walk that out in a more tangible way than I have been able to thus far and that won’t be an easy process but it is crucial to being able to move on.

I always knew I had an unhealthy relationship with porn and were I to describe it I would say it’s like an addiction, it turned out as we know that’s exactly what it is.

Through the twelve steps I get to fulfil my higher purpose of helping my fellow man on their quest to living more authentic lives, I can think of no greater honour than turning the worst of me into the best.

I am grateful for the connections and presence in my life that I never had before this program.

If anyone is new or struggling?

Keep coming back, it works!